Tidal Wave #2: Questions

Why is it that my life doesn't seem filled with 'things'? I look at other people's blogs and they seem to have time to do photography and hang out and have dinner parties (and I'm referring to blogs by people in/from my Uni) and I don't know where they get the time. It feels like the only time I have is to get up, ride to class to be ten minutes late, attempt to look like I know what the fuck they're all talking about - which I can kind of do with knowledge from previous classes, take a plethora of notes I will never look at, get to the next class, etc etc etc.... until I come home, have a (crappily made by me) dinner, not be able to read my readings because I have a meeting or I can't focus, by which time it is 2:00 am and I have to go to bed again.

What. The fuck is wrong with me. How do people have real lives, and get into good schools? Why can't I figure this out? Is it this big of a struggle for everyone? Why is this so hard? Why do I whine so much? What the fuck is going on? Why does it feel like I don't have time to breathe? It's just - poke your head above water, sniff some air and resubmerge. For the next four months until you're drowning again. Am I this stupid that this is what it is like for me - is that why this is so hard? Is it so much easier for everyone else? What the fuck am I doing wrong?

I remembered today that there are more than the two options I see in life, of 1) Potential (but improbable) good grad school --> law school and work one enjoys 2) Probable outcome of not being accepted anywhere and working for the rest of one's life in a job that someone has to do, you just never thought it would be you. There is the opt out. Its still an option. Why did that bring relief? Fuck this. Must be nice to know there are other options.